attachment.

four.

I sat in front of the mirror, eyeing my bruises of many kind. There was so many and I think I lost count. They were on my face, my neck, my stomach, my back, and on my legs. I grabbed my makeup kit and did good enough makeup for my face and then proceeded to my body.

I brushed my hair out into a more poofier state but it was still full. I put on a long black velvet dress and stared at myself in the mirror. I felt more worse than I have ever imagined. Behind all the makeup I could still see the ugliness that I always known since birth. I knew I had a husband who didn't treat me right, but it doesn't matter because I already broke the rules. I stepped out of bounds when I met Pac and I'm so far gone now since all we do is see each other behind Rene's back. But that's gonna remain in the past now, I can't have anybody or anything come between this marriage.

I saw Rene come in behind me in a nice black suit, hugging me from behind. My skin crawled at him touching mine but I couldn't run from him, he'd always find me.

"I wanted to come and apologize baby. You were right, I did drink. And that was no excuse to put my hands on you in any kinda way. Can you find some way to forgive me?" He cooed while kissing my cheek. I looked at the both of us in the mirror and I could see and feel every bit of change there was to come, all change is not good change.

I walked out of his arms and putting my golden hoops thru my ears. "Let's just go to this dinner. I wanna see my family." I plastered a fake smile on my face then walked to the car. The ride to my parents house was silent and so awkward but there was nothing I needed to say honestly.

I got out the car and wrapped my scarf around my shoulders. Me and Rene walked in the house and I saw my family sitting at the table. "Hey, you guys, just make yourself comfortable." My sister Rebbie said. "Girl, why are you cooking by yourself? Let me help." I put my handbag and scarf on the table.

"No girl, Mother is cooking with me. Just go say hi to your siblings." Rebbie said shooing me away. I made a stank face at her and then walked into the play room where all my nieces, nephews and brothers were. I smiled when I saw Michael.

"Hey guys!" I smiled. "Hiii Auntie Janet!!" All the kids said. I waved at them then went over to hug Michael. Of course Rene followed me like a lost puppy. "Hey Dunk, how you been?" Mike hugged me and kissed my cheek. "I've been good." I smiled. He looked at Rene and whispered in my ear "Who's this..?"

"This is Rene, my boyfriend. I told you about him before remember?" I mumbled back. "Nah..I don't."

"Hey Tony-"
"Rene." I played with my ear.
"RENE. How you doing?" Michael held his hand out.

Rene shook it, "I'm well and how are you?"

"Im cool. Oh, I wanted you to meet a special someone from our childhood. Jan, you're gonna love this."

"Hey, Tupac! Where you at??"

I felt my blood pressure rising when I heard him call the man of my fantasies. Tupac came from the bathroom and he was wearing a black tank top, blue flannel and some blue jeans. He looked edible right now but I knew I couldn't slip up. Not in front of Rene.

"Wassup, J..you miss me?" He smirked. I plastered a fake smile, "I did.."

"Okay everyone dinners ready!!" Mother called out. Everyone all sat at the table and I sat next to Rene and La'Toya. "Toy, let Pac sit next to Janet and you can sit next to me." Mike smiled. I opened my eyes wide and Mike winked at me....he knew something.

Pac slid into the seat next to me and I could smell is strong, sexy cologne. I looked at everyone tryna make sure no one could hear our conversation. "What are you doing here...?" I asked him while fixing my hair. "Because I needed to see you...you haven't talked to me in weeks. And you look hella fine for me to not lay you out on this table and taste that right now.."

I got chills down my back after I heard those words. "I'm sorry I left you hanging...me and Rene are going thru some...issues."

"Issues like what?" I looked into my eyes. I kept the contact going until I could feel his touch in my soul. I looked down at my nails, trying to find an excuse. "...I kinda want us to get a divorce.."

Pac opened his eyes widely, acting like he was surprised. "Damn..I'm sorry J.."

"It doesn't matter...again, I'm so-"

"Stop apologizing baby...I know what you can do to make it up.." he smirked. I lifted my eyebrow, "And what do you have in mind..?"

"Okay everybody we're gonna say grace." La'Toya stood up and started praying. When I closed my eyes I felt a hand creep up my dress and i shot my eyes open and before I could open my mouth to speak, his fingers were deeply inside of me.

I gripped the table cloth and I see Rene look at me a bit. "You okay, love?" He asked in a whisper. "I'm fine...cramps.." I lied.

I looked at Pac and he gave me a smirk. I wanted to have all of him here on his dinner table, no matter who was watching, I don't care who was around, I just wanted him as soon as possible.

I spread my legs open more a bit which gave him more access. I drunk my water and let out a small moan, as my breath started to get heavier. A few seconds later, I started to tighten around him. I grabbed his wrist, digging my nails into his arm and trying to contain myself before we got caught. He rubbed my g spot deeper and I covered my mouth while I came on his fingers. I gasped and started chugging my water as i was catching my breath, and after the rest of dinner was pretty normal.

After, i went to wash all the dishes when Pac brought me all of the leftover dishes. "So you think the whole dinner situation was funny huh?" I said washing the pots.

He chuckled and fluffed his jacket, "It kinda was, you was flinching n stuff. It was actually kind-" I turned to him giving him a chance to notice the serious look on my face "Cute.."

"You were outta your fucking mind. With Rene right there???"
"Woah, don't be getting all mad at me, YOU didn't stop me. If you was so concerned about your man then, you woulda screamed." He said.

"Still. Shit like that could get me killed!" I semi-yelled. Then I noticed he wasn't paying attention to my face but my body. "What's this on you?"

"What are you talking about?" I said lying while scrubbing the cups.

He pointed on one of my bruises I got from Rene "This."
I flinched a little considering it didn't really heal all the way.

"Janet, is that nigga hitting you?" He turned his head. "No."
"Don't be lying to me because I know damn well-"
"PAC, It's NONE of your business! Just drop it!"

He nodded then scoffed, "Alright.." He got closer to my ear "Since it ain't my business, we thru. Don't bring your complicated bullshit to my doorstep again." He walked out the room and I tried to be strong but I knew that hit a nerve some place.

I wiped a few tears as I finished drying the dishes. "Hey babe, you alright?" Rene said walking out with a smile on his face. "Oh yeah, I'm fine. I'm actually getting pretty tired, you wanna go...?" I gave him that look and he knew what I wanted. If I couldn't get it from who I really wanted, I guess I was gonna have to tolerate.